The entire British Empire was built on cups of tea, and if you think I'm going to war without one, mate you're mistaken.


Listen to this one: You open a company called the Arse Tickler's Faggots Fan Club. You take out an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos, you sell it with, I dunno, "does what no other dildo can do until now", "the latest and greatest in sexual technology", "guaranteed results or your money back", all that bollocks. Now these dils cost twenty-five quid a pop - as a snip for the amount of pleasure they're gonna give the recipients. But they send their cheques to the other company name, nothing offensive, er, Bobbie's Bits or something, for twenty-five quid. You take that twenty-five quid, you stick it in the bank until it clears. Now this is the smart bit - you send back the cheque for twenty-five pound from the other company name, "Arse Tickler's Faggots Fan Club", saying we're sorry, we couldn't get the supplies from America because they ran out of stock. Now you see how many people cash that cheque - not a single soul, because who wants their bank manager to know they tickle arse when they're not paying cheques?


I'm not sure what's more worrying. The job or your past!


Let me tell you about Hatchet Harry. Once there was this geezer called Smithy Robinson, who worked for Harry. It was rumoured that he was on the take. Harry's invited Smithy round for explanation. Smithy didn't do a very good job. Within a minute, Harry's lost his rag. Reached out for the nearest thing at hand which happened to be a 15-inch black rubber cock. He's then proceeded to batter poor Smithy to death with it. Now, that was seen as a pleasant way to go, hence, Hatchet Harry is the man you pay if you owe.



A minute ago this was the safest job in the world. Now it's turning into a bad day in Bosnia.


When you dance with the devil, you wait for the song to stop.

Eddie: They're armed.
Soap: Armed, armed with what?
Eddie: Err, bad breath, colourful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!

Barry the Baptist: Fucking northern monkeys!
Gary: I hate these fucking southern fairies!

"Ти си краля? Ми не съм гласувал за теб" Монти Пайтън и светия граал

"Браян: Всеки един от вас е уникален!
Тълпата(в един глас):Всеки един от нас е уникален!
Браян:Всички сте различни!
Тълпата(в един глас): Всички сме различни!
Човек в тълпата: Аз не съм" - Монти Пайтън и животът на Браян

"Браян: My father was a Roman
Пилат(който не може да казва Р): Your father was a woman?" - Монти Пайтън и животa на Браян


И накрая нещо непреводимо пак от Монти Пайтън и светия граал, ето ви с линк със субтитри: http://youtube.com/watch?v=BZwuTo7zKM8&feature=related

"Crush your enemies, see them driven before you and hear the lamentation of the women." Шварценегер във филмите, в които още не може да говори много добре английски рулз

В този аспект: "I`ll be back"

Това е велико! А аз си мислех, че оригиналът е за тоник, а не за чай...

В духа на моите дилемични (love) терзания - от "Записки по един скандал" : "Изисква се много смелост, за да предпочетеш истината пред удобството"...

От "Беглецът": "Къде си бе, Дезмондо?!"
и пак оттам:
-Не съм убил жена си!
-Не ми пука!

"At this moment there are 6470818671 people in the world, some are running scared, some are coming home, some tell lies to make it through the day, others are just not facing the truth, some are evil men at war with good, and some are good struggling with the evil, six billion people in the world, six billion souls, and sometimes, all you need is one"

Why so serious?

"Мъжете са като таксита: ако изпуснеш едно - идва следващо."

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all of the world. She walks into mine.
Rosebud.
Children of the night. What music they make.
I never drink... wine.

От Абот и Костело срещат Франкенщайн:

Chick Young: I know there's no such person as Dracula. You know there's no such person as Dracula.
Wilbur Grey: But does Dracula know it?
...
Wilbur: You know that person you said there's no such person? I think he's in there... in person. I was reading this sign over here, Dracula's Legend. All of a sudden I heard...
[Wilbur imitates a creaking noise]
Chick Young: That's the wind.
Wilbur: It should get oiled.

То хубаво филма, но пък в книгата колко попадения има...

А аз се сещам за 2-3 не толкова оригинални, но пък култови (поне за мен) реплики :
Crash (2004):
[first lines]
Graham: It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

The Animatrix (2003):
The Instructor: In the beginning, there was man. And for a time, it was good. But humanity's so-called civil societies soon fell victim to vanity and corruption. Then man made the machine in his own likeness. Thus did man become the architect of his own demise.

Duo: Maybe you regret taking the red pill.
Cis: Maybe.

The Instructor: Only the most exceptional humans become aware of the matrix.

Duo: It's only a matter of time before Zion is wiped out.

The Matrix Revolutions tagline:
Everything that has a beginning has an end.

Xena: The Warrior Princess :
Lao Ma: Nothing is as soft as water. Yet, who can withstand the raging flood?

И аз така:)

А тези са от The Million Dollar Hotel:

Tom Tom, voice over: Eloise... She was something to live for. And I guess that means something to die for. Some people said that she was just a dumb slut, but I knew she wasn't dumb.

Tom Tom: You shouldn't smoke, 'cause people die of it and sometimes they even get cancer.

Tom Tom, voice over: I remember seeing his shoes first and then his suit, which was like an evening gown or something, only for a man. You could see right away he was special, even before he told you.
Det. Skinner: My name is Special Agent Detective J.D. Skinner of the FBI.

Det. Skinner: No matter how strange or despicable you act, I can do one better, because I work for the government!

Dixie: Let's vote! There is two letters on each ballot, a Y and a N. A Y means "why" and a N means "why not".

Dixie: I called Liverpool, Interpol, even Paul.

Terence Scopey: The line between art and garbage can be thin. Sometimes even artists cannot see it.

Tom Tom: The heart is a sleeping beauty and love the only kiss it can't resist. Even if its eyes lay open wide, there is a heart that sleeps inside. And it's to there you must be hastening. For all hearts dream, they dream only of awakening.

Eloise: It's too bad you're a cop, you'd make a great pimp.

Stanley Goldkiss: The truth is the explanation that most people want to buy.

Tom Tom: Dixie was in a music band called The Beatles. Only they didn't know.

Dixie: Somebody's trying to kill me.
Det. Skinner: If they succeed, I'll come see you again.